Writing after the success of "What Kind Of Woman" Writing that book is unlike any other writing I've done before or since then, because it felt like it was just something that had been waiting to be written. But the feeling behind it, the depth behind it, the core of “What Kind of Woman” came so quickly and so easily, as if this voice had just been waiting to come out in the right format. When I sat down to write “What Kind of Woman” it was as if 10 years of bottled up emotion was just waiting to be released. There was not one room, one desk for me to write at without noise, so I found my home in Panera because of the free Wi-Fi, a comfortable booth and nobody bothering me. When I started writing “What Kind Of Woman” I had four young children - six people living in a 1,200 square foot house. It was the only way forward - to write and to no longer be a stay at home mom. I felt like I had to save myself for the sake of my children. I think a lot of women experience shame with this emotion - and I really understand that - but I did not experience shame, only because I was so far past shame I was in a survival state where I felt: I cannot even breathe, another day, and do this again. I can't be a mom to another baby full time. That came with saying to myself, I can't be a stay at home mom. I credit him, that last baby, all the time for these books. Am I going to drown - lose my life - or am I going to completely change everything? It was a tipping point, that entire pregnancy and then his babyhood. I knew the cost on my body and my mind.Īm I going to drown - lose my life - or am I going to completely change everything? I was immediately devastated, because already having three children, I knew the cost of what was to come. Two weeks before my husband was scheduled for a vasectomy, I found out I was pregnant with my fourth. I'd always wanted to be a mother and I was excited to kind of pursue writing in a different way - which was very naive in some ways, because I had no idea what it was going to take from me to be a mother. It was a difficult decision, but it was also a very exciting time. We decided together that I would stay home and he would go to medical school. I saw us each pursuing our careers - and then I got pregnant. But all the while, I kept writing.Īfter I got married, I applied to the MFA of my choice and was accepted, which was really exciting. I did all sorts of jobs after I graduated: cleaning out the homes of dead hoarders, working at an IT desk, nannying, cleaning out dorms, doing all sorts of things with my English degree that had nothing to do with English. I graduated college with an English degree. My mom always told me I was a writer, but I didn't realize it until I found those about 25 years later. I recently found those and started looking through them. In second grade, I used to write lots of poems and essays about my cats, dead and alive. An audio version of this piece was broadcast on May 10, 2023. This essay, which has been edited for length and clarity, was excerpted from an interview with Baer. “I never could have predicted ten years ago that I would write books of poetry, so I really try not to limit myself in what comes next.”Ĭog talked with Baer in advance of her appearance at “ Redefining motherhood for the 21st century, ” an event at WBUR’s CitySpace. “I don't want to box myself into one category,” she says. But she also writes essays and fiction, and is at work on a screenplay. She has long been clear about what having childcare has meant to her own career: “I can't do a single act of writing or creating or thinking about writing unless I have childcare. Baer’s poetry found a following during the pandemic, when millions of women were struggling to balance work and caregiving. (Courtesy Kate Baer)Įditor’s note: Kate Baer is a three-time New York Times best-selling author.
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